Parks and Rec Ernest Hemingway Style
by leah brodsky
Summary: April and Andy run into Nick Adams while on a bike ride.


"Let's go for a bike ride," Andy Dwyer says to his wife April Ludgate.

"Okay, babe, where should we go"

"Let's go to the JJ's Diner. I want to try those amazing waffles Leslie raves about."

"You've never had one?!", exclaims April in disappointed shocked awe.

"No way josé, let's go."

The get on their bicycles and are off. They ride through the streets of Pawnee. Their bikes each have a bell on them, so they're ringing the bells like children as they cruise through the neighborhoods.

Andy yells over the wind, "Let's sing to Lil' Sebastian"

"Bye bye Lil' Sebastian…" they start singing. Together, they sound like a chorus of dead cows.

Once they finish the song, April says, "Babe it's so hot when you sing. I'm gonna fuck you so hard tonight."

Andy smiles, "You too, babe."

Suddenly Andy halts his bike to a stop. "Wait where are we April?"

They're at an intersection that they don't recognize. At least it's not Eagleton, Andy thinks to himself. He hates those rich little Eagletonians. They're sneaky ass pricks.

"Andy what should we do?" April says with as deadpan a face as possible.

Andy pulls out his black sunglasses and puts them on, "Burt Macklin to the rescue."

April replies, "I think we're lost. Do we really need Burt Macklin for that?"

"Yes and we're going this way." Not even sure that's the right way, Andy takes the lead and goes with his gut.

About 10 minutes into riding, Andy says, "Babe, I think we're lost." No shit, April thinks to herself, but by now she's used to this.

They're riding along a dirt path. Trees surround them and a stone wall protects them from the forest. The trees have very green leaves and the sun warms their cheeks. The path is very rocky.

They come to a clearing. Haunted carcusses littered the dead grass. It smells like rotting flesh and old, expired eggs. There are dead bodies covering the ground for miles on end.

"Dude, this is my dream home," April exclaims with great happiness.

She runs over to one of the skeletal bodies whose flesh has already rotten away. She breaks off the head and the crack stings Andy's brain. She puts the skull over her face, and says, "This'll be my Halloween costume for next year." She rips off an arm and hands it to Andy. He reluctantly takes it, not wanting to seem rude. "This is gift is for you and how much I love you, and your butt." "Aww thanks, babe, this is so sweeeeet of you?" She kissed him and already smelt bad like the dead bodies. "I wonder if there are any graveyards around here?", April asks Andy. "I'm pretty sure this is it," he says. "But these people aren't already buried. I'm gonna murder someone and make a graveyard then," says April with a genuine smile plastered onto her face and it's very rare for April to smile. But, by now, Andy is used to April's weirdness she knows she isn't serious. She grabs his hand and starts to skip. Suddenly a bird flies through the sky, the only other living creature they see. "Omg look a bird," Andy said easily getting distracted. But then a mouse crawls over his feet and he screams like a little girl. "Dude, chill," April says trying to calm him down.

Suddenly, a stranger comes riding to them on his bike.

Is that a knight in shining armor or that the person from that Tesla commercial, or is that the boy in all of Taylor Swifts music videos, Andy thinks to himself. The bike's metal is chipping and they can hear the creaking of the wheels from a distance. The man's head is hung low and it looks exhausting.

"A survivor. Like me!" Andy yells.

"You survived nothing," April rolls her eyes.

"I survived falling in the pit and eating dinner off a frisbee. I think I can say I can survive a war.

Andy runs over to the man. "Hello, my name is Burt Macklin," Andy says.

"I'm Nick Adams" the stranger replies.

"Nice to meet you. And I'm Mrs. Hitler," April says.

"No, her name is Janet Snakehole. She apologizes for her sarcasm," Andy clarifies.

The man stares at them in horror.

"So where are you heading?", Andy wonders.

"I'm heading over to see Captain Paravicini," Nick Adams continues. "He's my friend and thinks I have PTSD, but I don't I just can't sleep and see ghosts, that's all."

"Sameee!," April chimes in. "Is he a medium? I watch Long Island Medium all the fucking time even though it's sooo yesterday. But our friend Ron, is dating the medium Theresa Caputo." Nick looks so confused and says "No, but would you like to come?"

He sees they all like riding bikes. None of them actually own a car so it's their only way of getting around, but car's even don't exist yet, so they can't go back to the future. So April and Andy agree to come along on the journey because they have nothing better to do.

"Nick, do you know Nick Carraway? You seem like you'd be good friends," April says. "Just because we're both named Nick? We know him. He's just as crazy as Jean Ralphio and Tom. "No, I hate him. He's such a dick." "Okay, sorry," To fill in the awkwardness, "Nick, we're going to sing you a song," Andy says. Before Nick can even reply, Andy and April start singing, "I fell into the pit..."

Suddenly Nick his the breaks of his bike and stops short. Scrambling, he gets off the bike and powerfully throws it to the side. He runs away.

"I guess he didn't like us," Andy says to April and shrugs.

The end.


End file.
